Kinjal met him at a club. He found her attractive in the first meeting itself, while she grew fond of him after a few conversations. They hit it off so well and dated for nearly three months before breaking it off. It was a whirlwind romance that ended too soon! For days she couldn’t focus on her work and personal life. Indeed, heartbreaks and rejections can make you feel broken and scarred. You may get thoughts like ‘I will never fall in love again’ or ‘He was THE ONE that got away!’. After months of separation, you still only think about him and wonder why your heart still aches.
First, know that science backs up all your misery. Here’s how.
1) Emotional PAIN
Have you ever refrained from sharing your depressing thoughts with your bestie? Do you fear judgemental glances from your loved ones for mourning too much or too long? Apparently, there’s proof that your pain is all too real and just as bad as any other physical injury. Our brain seems to appear breakups in the same regions as physical pain. While a physical cut is very much visible, the strain on your emotions cannot be proven at the workplace. However, it doesn’t mean that you dismiss it as well. This is your brain signaling you to pay attention to your broken heart.
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After breaking up, we often feel crushed and miss the presence of them in our lives. You find it difficult to function properly and get the simplest tasks done. Did you observe that post a heartbreak, you probably were clumsy for days? Skipping a step, dropping things, forgetting the most recent events or important things are just signs of how handicapped you have been feeling without your ‘dopamine’. Other fMRI studies have found that heartbreak activates the same mechanisms in the brain that gets to work when addicts are withdrawing from drugs. Missing them too much? It’s natural, and it heals once you get out of the withdrawal mode. This is the time you must not go running back into his arms.
Your brain will become the Devil’s advocate now and try to bombard you with intrusive thoughts of the ‘days gone by’ or ‘the one that got away’. It can be a snippet from a conversation, a romantic moment or a thoughtful gesture they did for you. But remember, your brain is only highlighting the good memories and that too involuntarily. Being aware of this fact will help you voluntarily stop investing a lot of time thinking about the sunny days.
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1) Negative reappraisal
The most effective way of getting over your ex is by ceasing to love them. Now, this may seem obvious but it’s a little deeper than it seems. When you have an unwanted breakup, you tend to idealise a person and your relationship. But if it was so perfect, would you guys have broken up in the first place? It has been proven that when you start thinking negatively about them, your feelings of love and withdrawal diminish thoroughly. A lot of people feel guilty about thinking badly of them but it’s just a part of moving on. Once you are out of love, you will be able to see the clearer picture and have no hard feelings.
2) Fill the void
The most common methods of distraction have been rebound romance, alcohol, and other substances. However, does that even heal you? Distract yourself with building something one brick at a time. Focus on getting fit, or getting rid of the bad habit you have been meaning to since forever. Build your life and keep the thoughts of him away! Channel that passion towards the right things.
3) Don’t simply rely on time
We’ve been hearing time heals everything. However, it doesn’t mean your role in healing your own-self becomes passive! You must actively work on yourself. Keep yourself busy, enjoy the company of people who make you feel loved, and indulge in activities that make you happy from the inside. Also, this is the time you consciously stay away from sabotaging activities such as still talking to them while you’re heartbroken or thinking of them for longer. Use music to heal you, not depress you. Replace ‘Agar tum saath ho’ with ‘Bijlee Giregi’ on your playlist.
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